six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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