I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
