Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
