i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
