i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
