I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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