I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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