I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
