When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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