and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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