Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
