I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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