Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
