Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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