no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
