just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
