he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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