i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
