Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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