i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
