even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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