our cab driver is having phone sex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
