I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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