You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
