Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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