She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dicks are not precious.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
