Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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