And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
