So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize