Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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