my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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