Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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