we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
