You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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