she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
