After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
