I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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