dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
