That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
