I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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