Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize