you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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