My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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