The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
