Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
