Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
