does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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