Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
