Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
