So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize