Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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