Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I supernannyed him into submission
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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