what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You don't make any sense
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