Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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