I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
