Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
