I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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