I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was like eating out sand paper
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
