i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
