Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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