pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
