I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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