I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
