you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
