I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
