Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
